My Resolve

This is not a New Year's resolution. It's a life resolution that happens to be occuring right now, near New Year. Justin and I have hit a wall when it comes to conceiving a child. I've been pretty quiet about it and only letting a few friends know what's been going on. Most, including my parents, don't even know we were trying. Ware at the point where we need to take the next step, but my weight won't permit it. It's unclear if my weight is causing our current problems. While I may have symtoms of PCOS which can be caused/helped by weight, I am not insulin resistant so I cannot be treated with medication they normally use. The only treatment available to me is fertility drugs, but at my current weight my doctor doesn't feel comfortable giving them to me. I agree with her 100%. It is almost unethical for her to help me conceive when I and my child are at risk for so many complications.

This is not a surprise to me at all and something I've known in the back of my mind for some time. Even before we started trying I started Weight Watchers, knowing that my weight may cause issues or complicate them. I was successful on Weight Watchers, having lost close to 40 pounds. Since August of 2008 I've put about 30 pounds back on. This may have caused my fertility issues to worsen, but that's really a moot point. I need to lose weight. I need to lose almost 100 pounds. I need to do this. If it helps me conceive naturally, that's great. If it makes my doctor more comfortable and Justin and I are able to take the next step and receive medical assistance that's also great. In the end, I will be healthy and I have a better chance of carrying a healthy baby.

I just wish that I'd stuck with Weight Watchers when I began it in 2008. I'd be at my goal of 100 pounds lost by now. I lost enough to make me feel "okay" and then I got impatient. Justin and I bought a house and I was ready to put a baby in it. We started trying and I stopped trying to lose weight. A year and a half later, I still need to lose the weight, I'm not pregnant, and I have a long journey ahead of me. I'm really angry at myself. It's my own fault. I'm not stupid. I knew that my weight would be an issue, one way or another.

All the beating myself up won't help the situation, so instead I'm being proactive. Justin and I are going to stop trying for about a year. I could still try to conceive on my own, but it's just not a good option for me. I have to either go all out tyring--temping, checking fertility signs, charting--or go back on the pill. There's no "wait and see" with me. I don't ovulate regularly, so I'd be taking a pregnancy test every time I turned around if I didn't track my cycles via charts. I can't put myself through another year of charts. It drives me nuts. How Catholics do it, I'll never know! Maybe it's easier if you're always a 31 day girl. I'm more of a 50, 67, 94, 38 day cycle kind of girl. I'd also like to go back on the pill because I feel very off with such erratic cycles. I have terrible acne, PMS, and cramps. I seriously feel like I'm 15 again. Plus, I think taking conception off the table completely will help me psychologically. My resolve to lose weight started to waiver when we actively started trying.

Step two of being proactive is Weight Watchers. I've signed back up for Weight Watchers online and I vow to follow the program. My friend Sarah is also getting back on the program and we are going to keep eachother honest and meet up once a week to check in. The program works, I know it does, I just have to do the program. I'm also going to resurrect the video program Justin and I did in the fall. We were hardcore into it for 30 of the 90 days. Then we fell off the wagon. But starting the first of the year, I'm going to follow WW and then do the 90 day workout. I expect to have really great results with combining the two. It'll be a great way to jump start myself and make my goal seem attainable.

The final part of my proactive plan is the Dave Ramsey plan. Dave's plan is a debt elimination plan. Again, Justin and I started this a year ago and had some success. Like with weight loss, we got rid of enough debt to feel more comfortable month to month. The more comfortable we felt, the less we worried about our debt. But as any parent will tell you, babies are expensive. Why not take this break from trying and use it to finish the Dave Ramsey plan? We've (re)completed step one of the plan and are ready to move onto the next part. Being debt free, or close to it, will make adding to our family that much easier. Like the CPA, being debt free will make my career options more numerous.

That's the plan. Go back on the pill, lose the weight, pay off some bills, and finish the program at Columbus State. I have given it a year, but it might take less time, it might take more time. We will have to wait and see. I feel good about our plan, and I will be updating my progress I'm sure. I debated on blogging about this, but it can only make me more accountable. You hear that? It's your job to keep me honest!

Four Days

There are four days until Christmas. Three and half to be exact. Two and a half until Chirstmas Eve. I got a lot of things done this weekend, which was good because I was behind. I guess if it's done by Christmas it's not really behind, but behind the schedule I'd set for myself at least.

There's just a few things left to do. I need to bake gingersnaps, sugar cookies, and make fudge. I need to make up a platter for work and also baggies for work. I need to make three cookie plates for three of our neighbors. I also need to wrap two last minute gifts. Finally, I need to go buy the standing rib roast for Thursday.

I've yet to buy the roast because I want it to be fresh obviously. Also, I'm a bit intimidated to go to the butcher and select one. I've been debating between the butcher in Reynoldsburg or the meat counter at Andersons. I know that it's their job to help you select meat and to trim it/prepare it the way you ask, but I feel like I'm putting them out or something. I don't know where this comes from in me. I'm afraid to ask someone to go out of their way for me (in this case, not even out of the way, just do their job). Maybe it's the years I spent working retail, even though I was usually happy to provide excellent customer service. Maybe it's just the way I was raised. I was taught to not make waves and to follow the rules to a T. When all else fails blame your parents!

In any case, I am pretty much ready for Christmas. A few loose ends and of course the cooking of the dinner, but I enjoy that part.

I'm really looking forward to what is happening after Chirstmas. I begin two online classes at Columbus State January 4th. I'm starting a program that's a certificate of accounting. It's designed to give those who have a bachelor's degree the accounting knowledge and credit hour requirements to sit for the CPA exam. It's only a six quarter program, and I plan on going during summer quarter as well. Given this, I'll be done with it in sometime in 2011. What I do as a CPA, I'm not sure yet, but it will give me options. I can try to use it with my current company, I can take it elsewhere, I can start a freelance service. The possibilities, though not endless, are numerous.

December is here!

I'm so happy that the holidays are here! I wasn't really eagerly anticipating them because they actually snuck up on me this year, but I'm happy they're here nonetheless. I love the holidays-- friends, family, great food, Chirstmas decoratations, shopping, gift giving. It's all so much fun. Here's a quick run down of what I'm doing and how I'm preparing.

• Our tree is up and we have lights on the house. This year I have our traditional tree, which is a hand me down tree from my mom. My aunt Joyce bought it end of season from a specialty shop years ago. It's a five foot tree that looks supre full and realistic. Since I'm allergic to pine, this forever green tree is the closest I'll get to the real thing. We've also put up a small three foot table top tree with all my Wizard of Oz ornaments. I've amassed quite the collection of Dorothies, Scarecrows, Tinmen, Lions, Totos, and witches. They took over our tree last year, so this year they get their own, be it sparsely covered, tree. More Wizard of Oz ornaments welcome *hint-hint* We've took our normal decor off the ledge above the front door and replaced it with seasonal items, and we've bought garland to do up there, we just need to borrow a ladder to place it up there properly. We hung icicle lights outside on the porch and got a little light up penguin that is sitting on the porch pot. We put bows on the porch columns and one on the EVANS solar light spindell thing. In all, the house if very festive and pretty. It's amazing how much Christmas decor can make a home feel that much more "homey."
• I'm mulling around what holiday baking I'd like to do. I'll do the usual fantasy fudge and almond shortbread thumbprints. Last year I did spritz cookies, but they weren't such a hit on the tray I brought to work. I think they're good, especially with coffee or a glass of milk, plus the recipe makes a ton so they're good filler as it were. So maybe I'll do them, maybe I won't. Kroger has the same large rolls of Pillsbury dough for $2.50 again this year. I hate shortcutting like that, but at that price you can't beat the convenience. I'll buy the gingerbread and make gingersnaps again and probably the peanut butter to make kiss cookies. Justin will want chocolate chip cookies, so I'll make some of those, but keep them at home. Every year I plan to make buckeyes, but I never do. Maybe this year will be the year I finally do it. Mom gave me a quick and dirty buckeye recipe that I might do to simplify.
• Grandma and I did a little craft project while I was home a few weeks ago. I'd love to share what I did, but I'm afraid some of the recipients will read this and it will spoil the gift. I had fun beading with Grandma and the final product turned out probably better than I thought. I plan on giving them to my small group and people at the office.
• Justin and I are almost done with our shopping. We have a few gifts here and there to buy and we need to nail down what we're getting a few people, but for the most part shopping is done.
• I've brought my Christmas cards to work to get them signed. I will address them over the next few days and hope to get to the post office for stamps so I can get them mailed this weekend.
• Also this weekend, my mom and dad are coming down to celebrate my birthday. See, my birthday is part of the holiday season as well, so I get an extra special bonus! Justin's company has a large surplus store with restaurant equipment and smallwares. We get a discount normally, but this weekend we get an extra discount as a holiday gift. I love kitchen things as does my mom, so that's how we plan to spend Saturday. I have things to pick up in preparation for:
• Hosting Christmas Eve dinner! I'm all about starting new traditions now that I'm married, so this year I had the idea of doing a meal with Justin's family and it was decided that Chrstimas Eve was the best time. Justin's family is very into the opening of presents on Christmas morning, so we'll keep that tradition the same, but on Christmas Eve, they usually just watch a movie and eat cheese, crackers, and summer sausage. This year, they will come to our house and dine on prime rib (one of Justin's favorite things) and LOTS of side dishes. It's not a meal unless you have more side dishes than the number of guests. That's the Hickey/Cowley rule. I guess it might be the Ray Hickey Method of holiday meals LOL! I've never done a prime rib before, but I've done some reading and I'm confident that I can make a good one.
• I also want to persuade everyone to go to our church's late night Christmas Eve service. I loved going to church on Christmas Eve as a kid and lighting the candles and singing Silent Night. Plus, it puts the holiday back into perpective at least temporarily. Chirstmas after all is about the birth of Christ and God's gift to us. Even if I go by myself, I'm going. And when we have kids, I will take them.
• We currently have no plans for New Year, and I'm okay with that. If we get invited to a party, we'll go. If we go to a friends' house, we'll go. If we go over to my in-laws we'll go. I'm not hosting anything and I don't mind if what I do is small.

That's my December in a nut shell. We've been invited to some holiday parties that I'd like to attend if it fits into our schedule. And I'm sure invitations to this that and the other will crop up throughout the month. This time if year is one that I don't mind being busy!